Dilemma – ½ Assed approach to Relationship Revised

In a men’s group[i] [ii], the men were upset. We were discussing: what builds a relationship; what destroys a relationship; and we discussed the need to break a relationship when it is necessary.

One man, eloquently stated the dilemma. We are in here, i.e. this group, learning about how to improve our relationship, when we leave here we are going back into the same hell. His question was “shouldn’t the women, our partners, be in a group to be growing and learning about relationship as well?” My response was absolutely, your partners, if they want to maintain or to develop the relationship in a positive manner should also be in a group to learn about relationship.

The next statement was “if they won’t learn and grow how do we separate, how do we grow, these women are bitches, they are nasty. Even if we leave because the relationship is toxic, and our partner won’t change, they’ll hunt us down and make us suffer. If we don’t agree with them, they call the cops and threaten us, even if we didn’t do anything against them.”  

The Domestic Violence laws are meant to protect women from physical violence. It appears sometimes women are not honorable and manipulate the law to harm their partner. Some of the women or men even use their children as a pawn to manipulate (emotionally castrate) their partner and force their partner to dance the way the woman wants the man to dance. This manipulation will worsen the relationship and perpetuate the suffering of all involved.

A relationship is a paradox … it consists of both two individuals and one couple.  In order for the relationship to be productive, both people must respect the individuality of themself and their partner as well as being committed to nourishing the relationship.

It seems that despite the “nastiness” of some of their partners, Men or Women who are in a toxic relationship must break the relationship and move in a way to protect themselves and free their energy to pursue a positive relationship with another person. If children are involved, they need to obtain legal assistance to protect their relationship with their children and to prevent their former partner from harming them either through the children or directly at them.

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[i] The men were mandated to be in the group. They were consistent in their attendance in the group and were honestly trying to learn how to improve their relationships.

(ii)Amended : written from the perspective of the men in the group. Women face the same challenges ... they must also protect themselves from abusive partners